BOTTOM 3 PRISONS

3 - DANLI PRISON IN HONDURAS

     This hell-hole makes the list because inside there are only prisoners, no guards. The inmates run the joint. A hand-picked group of murderers, rapists and drug traffickers, called "coordinators", walk freely among the other murderers, rapists and drug traffickers and are given the power by prison officials to enforce the rules. 

     This honor among thieves, fox guarding the henhouse style of law and order is supposed to ensure at least some form of moral code and eliminate any chance of a corrupt "Shawshank Redemption" like warden coming in and calling the shots.

     Cells built for 5 usually house up to 18 guests with some bunks being 7 tiers high. Low man on the prison hierarchy, usually a child molester or snitch, gets to sleep under the bottom bunk. This pretty much guarantees the death penalty should a Twin Towers type free fall occur.

     The main problem with Danli is that inmates can spend years in the can before their case hits the courts. The slow judicial process in Honduras means many of these cons will actually serve their entire sentence before ever hearing a guilty verdict. This makes the tension so thick you could cut it with a shiv.

     Many of the caged are rural, uneducated hillbillies who will see electricity for the first time only when they're strapped to a chair that's attached to some. This procedure is known as the "Danli brownout" and results in flickering lights, a moment of silence in the sauteed man's former cell and a fight to the death for the now vacant top tier bunk.

2 - BANG KWANG PRISON IN THAILAND

     Ranked number 1 as the toughest correctional facility in the world, but I'm putting it at 2 because Thailand has great beaches.  This is a tough place folks.  Called the "Bangkok Hilton", it's understaffed, overcrowded, and filled with inmates who struggle with insanity as they spend the first months of their sentences chained in leg irons. 

     But rather than have me describe it I talked with a man who actually served 12 years there. Here's his story:

     "Sup? So yea I got cuffed running brake fluid (selling meds) in Bangkok and them rearholes sent me up for a dozen.  First day there I'm chain checked (punched) that got me a four-piece (full set of restraints) and 7 in the hole.  

     Got out and was assigned a crib in the ghetto penthouse (top tier of a cell block) with a lifer who wouldn't let me take a Cadillac (bunk) until I showed him my jacket (inmates info file).  Fucker turned out to be a dry snitch always spillin' shit on my peels (orange jumpsuit).

      So anyways this fucker tells me I'd be doin' a back door parole (die in prison) from Big Daddy's shank if I didn't take it to the hoop (hide drugs in the ass) and hold my mud (resist informing) when the heat danced through (guards).  

     Spent 4 years with this fuckin' base-head (addict) before he finally got a stainless steel ride (death by lethal injection)"

1 - SAN QUENTIN STATE PRISON IN CALIFORNIA

     The toughest of all prisons. Been housing bad guys since 1865.  Has the largest death row in the country. Still has a gas chamber.  SQ has been featured in tons of movies, tv shows and novels. Even Johnny Cash was afraid to record there and he didn't take shit from anybody.

     What gives SQ the number 1 spot is not the facility itself, its actually a well-run prison, but the people living there.  No bank robbers or con artists here, this place will only cage the most despicable, hardened, violent animals in America. It's a human zoo. 

     A lifer at SQ would laugh his ass off if you showed up there for stealing a car or defrauding a savings & loan company.

     The prison hierarchy here is really something to behold. Cop killers and those that have committed multiple murders (has to be 4 or more) get the most respect. Below them are the 3 or less killers and the aggravated assault with intent to kill gentlemen.  

     On the bottom rung are the murder for hire pussies who didn't have the stones to do the job themselves. These are the ones stuck cleaning the toilets, the underwear and the private parts of every cop killer and serial murderer in the joint.

     This is where O.J. Simpson would have gone had he been convicted.  Lucky for him he was spared the trip because having only slit the throats of 2 people the Juice would have been at the lower rung of SQ society and been forced to become the boyfriend of every Ted Bundy in this shit-hole.